I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
