Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Let's paint friendship bongs
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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