We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
