im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
