Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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