I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
