Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
what is it with giant penises always finding me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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