a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
