i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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