jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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