I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
