we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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