my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
