ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
