Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
