My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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