i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
