You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
