your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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