Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize