my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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