I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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