There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
