i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
