Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
