dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
