he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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