i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Quick, to the slutcave!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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