You're completely useless in the revolution.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
