it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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