It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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