Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
