but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
