One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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