right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
