I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
