he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
