Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
