Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
