What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
