2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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