I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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