Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize