that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
