great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
