im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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