Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
