you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
