why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize