I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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