So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
