PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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