i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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