I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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