I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
