Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
