sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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