If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize