Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize