North Korea, Best Korea!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
