Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
