I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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