Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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