just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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