Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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