My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
