just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
