Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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