i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
