We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
