Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
