trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
