Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize