I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
