Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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