absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
