Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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