The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
