I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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