Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
