Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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