youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
