i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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