Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
