The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize