I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
