I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
