I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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