i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
