woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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