The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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