dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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